It’s taken a while to do this particular review. The problem is that when I started this blog with Nate, I planned to NOT review things I didn’t care for. That is, no negative reviews. Having worked in the service industry for many years I know everyone has a rough night here and there and, at any rate, people like different things. However, I’m laying this down as a marker just so that I (and my friends) don’t fall for the hype again.

Upon returning from a truly decadent trip to Spain over my birthday, we wanted to have a fancy dinner out to celebrate the aging that happened while I was gone. After a bit of research, I settled on Locanda. We had a 9pm reservation on a Saturday night in July – obviously the place would be busy. However, I was not prepared for how jarringly loud and mall-esque the place was. Look up the antonym for “intimate” in the thesaurus and there should be a picture of this place. I almost ran back out the door, if not for the exciting things I’d read about the food, I would have.

It was hard to eat anything between screaming across the table at one another over the din of the people seated six inches to each side of us. Of course, the eating came to a halt when I pulled a huge long blonde hair out of my lamb – actually, out of my mouth. I’m not blonde and my date has black curly hair. This came from the kitchen. It was foul. The server seemed to need a lengthy explanation of the situation. I attempted to oblige him as discreetly as possible as I saw no reason for all the other folks sitting on top of us to be grossed out as well. In the end, the only thing comped from my check was the chocolate sundae thing that they give free to anyone who claims birthday. It took forever to get the check, pay and get the heck out of that place and I will certainly never go back and cannot recommend a visit. What a bummer.

Address: Locanda Verde, 377 Greenwich St., New York, NY